I let Lena watch morning cartoons...and on some days it's well past noon before I feel like turning it off because I needed her to be quiet
I have let Lena eat candy during breakfast because 1. I wanted it out of the house faster and 2. she is so tiny that she could use some extra pounds for the winter.
I have put Lena to bed and then after her screaming for a bit I realized she didn't have anything to eat for dinner (one of my proudest moments)
In the middle of "disagreements" with The Brenton I think of snappy things to say and sometimes I say it out loud even before I finish my thought knowing it was mean and unnecessary.
I have gone to bed angry
I have cried myself to sleep
I have cried in the shower so the noise of the water would block the sound
Sometimes I look up at the airplanes flying overhead and wish I was on it flying to my family back out west
I can't take very good pictures, I don't have an eye for anything
I use all purpose flour and cook white rice because I rather it taste better then be healthier.
The only pictures I think I look good in are my wedding pictures, everything else I can and do find a flaw
I am not a creative person, most of my inspiration comes from the internet
I have to stop myself from eating my feelings on an hourly basis
I am my worst enemy
I read other blogs and sometimes feel guilty that I don't have or do what they have or do
But that is no more...
I realized that everyone has problems...EVERYONE. Even those bloggers who have thought of every craft, made every delicious baked good, and done everything that looks to be super awesome...and the more I open up about it the more I find people like me, people who are just trying to do the best they can with the hand they have been dealt.
I am grateful for my problems because according to the things I see on the news...my problems are teenie tiny on the scale of how bad things can get....nano problems if you will.
I have
this
and
this.
I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
I have faith that with every trial I am being shaped and formed to be something greater than I could ever try to be.
I am Lena's mom and Brenton's wife I am a one of a kind
There is no mold for me to try to fit into.
5 comments:
you are/have felt everything every mom and wife feels and thankfully you know what's important.. good for you and big hugs to you!!!
Hey! Remember me? :)
I wanted to tell you this was an awesome post. I love your honesty without fear of judgement. I feel the same way as many of the things you listed. I figure they're all part of the daily struggles of life! And, I've done #1 - 3 on your list (PHEW - glad I'M not the only one!).
You rock!
P.S. that Lena of yours is downright adorable!
Dear Sister-
1)I regret everything mean thing I ever did to you as a kid and will continue to live with that regret my entire life. Man I feel horrible.
2) You turned out to be AN AMAZING everything and I am beyond proud of your accomplishments and jealous in lots of ways too
3)You are one of the most giving, selfless, sweetest persons I know. Period.
4) I think you are just BEAUTIFUL and I wonder how come you didn't get any of the Joyner retarded genes like hammer toes, or "the hips" with no butt, call me jealous - oh and your skin is darker and prettier than mine. gah.
5)I love you and miss you and wish you were close by- but you are where you need to be right now and its for the betterment of your family you are with. Thank goodness for cell phones and internet. Use them as often as you need to:)
If you want to know the truth... We've watched Mulan over and over all day long before... I bribe my kid with cookies (she likes the "blue ones" best (Oreos))... And pretty much every day I have to stop, take a deep breath and say to myself "serenity now!"
You are doing a great job! Hang in there. Hugs!
I just love this post. I read it after a horrific night with baby girl and a bit of a breakdown with big sister. We all do the best we can - and you're doing better than most.
Love to you!!
--Stephanie
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